Dracula
Dryopithecus
Ferociously Fangbulous
Posts: 78 
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Post by Dracula on Dec 14, 2021 0:57:28 GMT
Greetings, mate. I was going to post a joke, but I didn't see the "spoiler" button, so that was a "test run" to first see if the thingamajig was working properly here before posting my joke. |
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Post by ant-mac on Dec 14, 2021 1:08:37 GMT
Greetings, mate. I was going to post a joke, but I didn't see the "spoiler" button, so that was a "test run" to first see if the thingamajig was working properly here before posting my joke. Yes, it's always important to check that your thingamajig is working properly before you try to use it.  |
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Dracula
Dryopithecus
Ferociously Fangbulous
Posts: 78
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Post by Dracula on Dec 14, 2021 2:28:54 GMT
A man and his friend meet while they're walking their dogs. They talk for a bit, then when they say goodbye, the friend shits his pants. Another day they meet at a local pub, and the same thing happens. "Take care!" ![[poop]](//storage.proboards.com/7182076/images/foBeBzeXYrGoifbaQTWT.png) This weird behavior concerns the man, so one day he calls up his friend to see what the problem is. The friend explains it's something he can't help, where parting from others causes a massive bowel movement right on the spot, wherever he is, and he explains how much depression, anxiety, and embarrassment this has caused him, practically ruining his life. The concerned man tells his friend about a therapist he knows, believing the problem may be psychological, and he even offers to pay for treatment, and the friend takes him up on the offer. A few months later the man gets a call. "I'm cured! I'm cured! This psychologist is amazing!" For minutes they celebrate on the phone and the man couldn't be happier for his friend. "You the man!...Yeah!" They agree to meet at the pub again, this time with a large group, where they drink and laugh, celebrating the good news. A few hours later all of them get ready to leave, and as the friend says goodbye to his pals, he shits his pants. Immediately they all ask what happened. "I thought you were cured?" "Yes I'm cured, and it's great!", says the friend with a big smile on his face. "But you're still pooping your pants." "Yeah, but it doesn't matter to me anymore!", he replies. |
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Post by ant-mac on Dec 23, 2021 20:30:44 GMT
"Excuse me, are you ladies from Scotland?"
"It's Wales, you idiot! Wales!"
"Oh, my apologies. Are you whales from Scotland?"
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Post by abbey1227 on Dec 24, 2021 2:55:20 GMT
Sixteen sodium atoms walk into to a bar…. Who walks in next ? . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . Batman! |
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Post by Prometheus on Dec 24, 2021 3:18:23 GMT
Sixteen sodium atoms walk into to a bar…. Who walks in next ? . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . Batman! That one took me a second.
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Post by abbey1227 on Dec 24, 2021 3:21:31 GMT
Sixteen sodium atoms walk into to a bar…. Who walks in next ? . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . Batman! That one took me a second.
it's probably not fair to the youngins that may have never seen the campy TV show
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Post by ant-mac on Dec 24, 2021 3:23:38 GMT
Sixteen sodium atoms walk into to a bar…. Who walks in next ? . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . Batman! That one took me a second.
The TV series was absolute rubbish, but it still has the best Batman theme of all time. |
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Post by abbey1227 on Dec 27, 2021 9:11:44 GMT
"You can prevent any rape.
Just say Yes." - Jimmy Carr (He prefaced it with how to end my career with just 8 words.)
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Post by ant-mac on Dec 27, 2021 9:46:02 GMT
"You can prevent any rape.
Just say Yes." - Jimmy Carr (He prefaced it with how to end my career with just 8 words.)
Confucious say rape impossible. Woman with dress up can outrun man with trousers down... Except in Scotland. |
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Post by abbey1227 on Dec 27, 2021 9:55:48 GMT
"You can prevent any rape.
Just say Yes." - Jimmy Carr (He prefaced it with how to end my career with just 8 words.)
Confucious say rape impossible. Woman with dress up can outrun man with trousers down... Except in Scotland.
That joke kilt in Edinburgh
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Post by ant-mac on Dec 27, 2021 11:54:33 GMT
Confucious say rape impossible. Woman with dress up can outrun man with trousers down... Except in Scotland.
That joke kilt in Edinburgh
Well, they couldn't call it a load of pants, cound they? |
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Post by ant-mac on Jan 4, 2022 2:49:20 GMT
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Post by ant-mac on Jan 9, 2022 19:00:55 GMT
I saw a poor, little old lady fall over today on the ice. At least I presume she was poor, because she only had $2.00 in her purse.
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Post by ant-mac on Jan 9, 2022 21:14:44 GMT
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Post by Prometheus on Jan 15, 2022 3:33:24 GMT
One old guy says to another, "I'm so old that my knees pop and my back cracks. When I have sex with my wife it's like listening to a Buddy Rich solo."
The other guy says, "I know what you mean. I just wish my wife would stop yelling, 'Not my TEMPO!'"
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Post by ant-mac on Jan 16, 2022 13:12:41 GMT
Dyslexics of the world: UNTIE!
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Post by Prometheus on Jan 17, 2022 2:02:56 GMT
There are some very clever people in the world
And they make me laugh.
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Post by ant-mac on Jan 22, 2022 23:28:02 GMT
A guy pulls up next to a girl at the traffic lights.
He leans out his window and says: "Wanna get married?"
She looks at him. "What?"
"I said do you wanna get married?"
She shakes her head. "No, of course not."
He shrugs. "I suppose a fuck's out of the question?"
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Post by ant-mac on Jan 24, 2022 16:46:11 GMT
A person dies and goes to heaven and meets St Peter at the pearly gates and notices a lot of clocks on the wall.
"What are they?" they ask.
"Each clock is for a person and whenever they lie, it moves forward one minute."
"Oh. So whose clock is this?"
"That's Mother Theresa's - it's never moved."
"Oh, so whose is this?"
"That's Abraham Lincoln's - it's only moved twice.
"So where is Boris Johnson's?"
"We're using that as a ceiling fan."
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![[poop]](http://storage.proboards.com/7182076/images/foBeBzeXYrGoifbaQTWT.png)
![[cheers]](http://storage.proboards.com/7182076/images/engyBVslEdpmpmdnBwZQ.gif)
Jun 1, 2022 23:27:03 GMT