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Post by ant-mac on Sept 15, 2021 4:07:51 GMT
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Post by ant-mac on Oct 3, 2021 2:16:57 GMT
I think I just found my meme...  |
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Post by abbey1227 on Oct 3, 2021 23:18:26 GMT
I think I just found my meme...
Aside from having to alter my shopping trips or dining out as much.........nothing has changed for me.  |
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Post by abbey1227 on Oct 3, 2021 23:26:08 GMT
The Priest & the Politician
A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years of service in the parish. A wonderful spacious hall was chosen for the celebration, and everything was ready for the occasion.
The tables were filled with delicious dishes, the decorations and lighting were exquisite. All the guests except one had arrived and were waiting for the start of the event.
The guest who was running late was a politician and a member of the congregation. He was chosen to make a presentation about the priest and give a little speech at the dinner.
The politician was a little younger than the priest, but he was his old acquaintance, so the priest did not want to start the celebration without him present. The clergyman, therefore, encouraged the crowd to wait a moment.
Time passed, but the politician still did not appear, so the guests began to worry about when the celebration would begin. So the priest decided to take matters into his own hands and distract the attention of those present.
In his usual manner, the priest chose to tell an interesting story that normally has an instructive end. "I got my first impression of the parish from the very first confession I heard here," he began.
"I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen money from his parents. embezzled from his employer, and when questioned by the authorities, he was able to lie his way out of it." Amazed by what he just shared, the entire hall became silent as everyone listened attentively. The priest then continued, "He'd had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs and given VD to his best friend's sister."
One of the guests at the back of the hall echoed, "Say what now!?"
The priest replied, "Yes, that was my sentiment exactly." He then continued with the story, "I was appalled. But as the days went on, I learned that my people were not all like that."
Just as the priest was about to enter the next stage of his story, the door of the hall flew open, drawing everyone's attention. The politician finally arrived and immediately started flooding the air with apologies.
Feeling bad for keeping everyone waiting, he immediately began his presentation and said, "I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived, In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession."
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Post by ant-mac on Oct 4, 2021 0:20:50 GMT
I think I just found my meme...
Aside from having to alter my shopping trips or dining out as much.........nothing has changed for me. I didn't have to alter my shopping trips... and I don't dine out. |
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Post by abbey1227 on Oct 4, 2021 1:05:26 GMT
Aside from having to alter my shopping trips or dining out as much.........nothing has changed for me. I didn't have to alter my shopping trips... and I don't dine out.
Have you ever worked for, or contributed to, a virology lab?
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Post by ant-mac on Oct 4, 2021 1:14:37 GMT
I didn't have to alter my shopping trips... and I don't dine out.
Have you ever worked for, or contributed to, a virology lab?
Officially or "unofficially"?  |
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Post by Prometheus on Oct 15, 2021 6:41:31 GMT
A female bartender has had just about enough of the foul-mouthed talk coming from one of her redneck customers. She turns to him and says, "How many eyes does a black roster have?
"Two."
"How many wings does a black roster have?
"Two."
"How many legs does a black roster have?
"Two."
"How many whiskers does a white cat have?
"I surely don't know."
"Seems you know a lot about black cock and nuthin' 'bout white pussy, so why don't you just shut up from now on."
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Post by abbey1227 on Oct 16, 2021 14:00:44 GMT
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Post by Prometheus on Oct 16, 2021 23:40:57 GMT
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Post by ant-mac on Oct 25, 2021 0:51:48 GMT
An Englishman and an Irishman go to a bakery. The Englishman steals three buns and puts them into his pockets and leaves. He says to the Irishman: “That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The owner didn’t even see me.”
“That’s just simple thievery,” the Irishman replied. “I’ll show you how to do it the honest way and get the same results.”
The Irishman then proceeded to call out the owner of the bakery and says: “Sir, I want to show you a magic trick.” The owner was intrigued so he came over to see the magic trick.
The Irishman asked him for a bun and then he proceeded to eat it. He asked two more times and after eating them again the owner says: “Okay my friend, where’s the magic trick?”
The Irishman then said: “Look in the Englishman’s pockets.”
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Post by ant-mac on Oct 25, 2021 0:54:38 GMT
A prostitute standing outside a motel in a small town saw a 70+ year old man walking past.
She hasn't had a customer for a while so she whistles at him and says, "Hey, would you like to have some fun time with me?"
The old man said, "But I won't be able to..."
Prostitute: "C'mon man.... give it a try... "
Old man says okay. They go in. The old man whips out his dick and fucks the daylights out of her for 30 minutes.
When he's done, the prostitute all exhausted and tired says, "But you said you won't be able to...."
"...pay you." replied the old man.
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Post by ant-mac on Oct 25, 2021 0:59:10 GMT
What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
Full.
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Post by ant-mac on Oct 25, 2021 3:35:00 GMT
A trucker is looking for a prostitute and find his way to a country brothel. He enters and is asked what kind of experience he was looking for. Looking into his wallet he is ashamed to find only a ten dollar bill. He hands it over and is surprised that she takes it.
“Last door on the right,” she tells him. So he walks down the hall and enters the last door on the right. Inside he finds an old woman with a glass eye.
“How are we going to do this,” he asks. She pops out the glass eye and points to the hole on her face. Grossed out, but still horny, he cautiously stick it in. He discovers that it’s the best sex of his life. He’s having a blast.
He finishes and tells the old prostitute, “Next time I’m in the area I’ll definitely stop by again.”
To which she replies, “Well I’ll keep an eye out for you!”
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Post by ant-mac on Oct 25, 2021 11:14:33 GMT
A boy walks into a brothel carrying a dead frog and asks the mistress for the dirtiest, most infected prostitute he could get.
The mistress thinks, "I can't do that to this young man." So calls a girl and they go do their thing and he leaves.
A couple weeks go by and he comes back. "Madam I don't think you understood me, I want the dirtiest most infected prostitute you have."
She says, "Well if that's what you want..." she makes a call and about 15 minutes later a girl comes by and they go do their thing.
When he is about to leave the mistress stops him and asks "I have to know, why would you want something like this?"
He stops and says, "Well you see, every Friday night my mother and father go out and drive separately, they will hire a baby sitter, I intend to have sex with the baby sitter and when my father gets home he will have sex with her too. Then my mother and father will have sex. And then later on in the week my mother will have sex with the mail man... and that's the motherfucker who ran over my frog."
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Post by ant-mac on Oct 25, 2021 12:11:50 GMT
A guy walks by a brothel with a sign in the window that reads, “Come try our new weight-loss program!”
He walks in and says to the house madam. “Uh, I’d like to lose five pounds.”
She says, “Okay, go to room six.”
He goes to room six and find a very pretty, fit lady waiting, and a sign on the wall that reads “If you can catch me, you can fuck me.” So he chases her all around the brothel for several minutes until he catches her and fucks her.
He heads home and hops on the scale. sure enough, he’s lost five pounds.
He goes back to the brothel the next day and tells the house madam, “I’d like to lose ten pounds.”
She says, "Okay, go to room seven.”
He goes to room seven and there’s an even prettier fit girl... and a sign on the wall that reads, “If you can catch me, you can fuck me.”
So he chases her all around the brothel for hours until he finally catches her and fucks her. He goes home and hops on the scale... ten pounds lost!
So he goes back to the brothel the next day and says to the house madam, “I want to lose fifty pounds!”
She says, “Go to room eight.”
He walks in to find a physically fit woman, but she’s the ugliest woman he’s ever seen in his entire life. And there’s a sign on the wall that reads, “If I can catch you, I can fuck you.”
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Post by abbey1227 on Oct 25, 2021 16:29:42 GMT
A guy walks by a brothel with a sign in the window that reads, “Come try our new weight-loss program!” He walks in and says to the house madam. “Uh, I’d like to lose five pounds.” She says, “Okay, go to room six.” He goes to room six and find a very pretty, fit lady waiting, and a sign on the wall that reads “If you can catch me, you can fuck me.” So he chases her all around the brothel for several minutes until he catches her and fucks her. He heads home and hops on the scale. sure enough, he’s lost five pounds. He goes back to the brothel the next day and tells the house madam, “I’d like to lose ten pounds.” She says, "Okay, go to room seven.” He goes to room seven and there’s an even prettier fit girl... and a sign on the wall that reads, “If you can catch me, you can fuck me.” So he chases her all around the brothel for hours until he finally catches her and fucks her. He goes home and hops on the scale... ten pounds lost! So he goes back to the brothel the next day and says to the house madam, “I want to lose fifty pounds!” She says, “Go to room eight.” He walks in to find a physically fit woman, but she’s the ugliest woman he’s ever seen in his entire life. And there’s a sign on the wall that reads, “If I can catch you, I can fuck you.”  |
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Post by ant-mac on Oct 25, 2021 16:33:31 GMT
A guy walks by a brothel with a sign in the window that reads, “Come try our new weight-loss program!” He walks in and says to the house madam. “Uh, I’d like to lose five pounds.” She says, “Okay, go to room six.” He goes to room six and find a very pretty, fit lady waiting, and a sign on the wall that reads “If you can catch me, you can fuck me.” So he chases her all around the brothel for several minutes until he catches her and fucks her. He heads home and hops on the scale. sure enough, he’s lost five pounds. He goes back to the brothel the next day and tells the house madam, “I’d like to lose ten pounds.” She says, "Okay, go to room seven.” He goes to room seven and there’s an even prettier fit girl... and a sign on the wall that reads, “If you can catch me, you can fuck me.” So he chases her all around the brothel for hours until he finally catches her and fucks her. He goes home and hops on the scale... ten pounds lost! So he goes back to the brothel the next day and says to the house madam, “I want to lose fifty pounds!” She says, “Go to room eight.” He walks in to find a physically fit woman, but she’s the ugliest woman he’s ever seen in his entire life. And there’s a sign on the wall that reads, “If I can catch you, I can fuck you.” Getting in touch with your feminine side there Abbs? |
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Post by abbey1227 on Oct 25, 2021 16:45:24 GMT
Getting in touch with your feminine side there Abbs?
grabbed that side by the you-know-what years ago. |
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Post by ant-mac on Oct 25, 2021 17:42:29 GMT
Getting in touch with your feminine side there Abbs?
grabbed that side by the you-know-what years ago. I can think of at least one orange orangutan overlord who would be very proud of you. |
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Jun 1, 2022 23:27:03 GMT
Jun 1, 2022 23:27:03 GMT