The Joke Thread

[abbey1227]

Sept 20, 2022 0:57:24 GMT Prometheus said:

How do you get a Race and Gender Studies graduate off your doorstep




Pay for the pizza.

"I got a degree in Philosophy....... but after graduation I learned that the Philosophy Company wasn't hiring."  Christina P

[Prometheus]

Sept 20, 2022 3:11:41 GMT abbey1227 said:

Sept 20, 2022 0:57:24 GMT Prometheus said:

How do you get a Race and Gender Studies graduate off your doorstep




Pay for the pizza.

"I got a degree in Philosophy....... but after graduation I learned that the Philosophy Company wasn't hiring."  Christina P

Jokes aside, 15 years ago (when I was back in the States), lots of companies were hiring Philosophy majors - or hiring consulting companies that employed Philosophy majors - to help build strong corporate cultures.

I'll bet dollars to donuts that corporate culture consulting companies (say that ten times fast) are hiring Race and Gender Studies grads for the same purpose.

And if they aren't... call it another multi-million dollar idea.

[abbey1227]

Sept 20, 2022 3:18:54 GMT Prometheus said:

Sept 20, 2022 3:11:41 GMT abbey1227 said:

"I got a degree in Philosophy....... but after graduation I learned that the Philosophy Company wasn't hiring."  Christina P

Jokes aside, 15 years ago (when I was back in the States), lots of companies were hiring Philosophy majors - or hiring consulting companies that employed Philosophy majors - to help build strong corporate cultures.

I'll bet dollars to donuts that corporate culture consulting companies (say that ten times fast) are hiring Race and Gender Studies grads for the same purpose.

And if they aren't... call it another multi-million dollar idea.

I had that exact same thought a few days ago.........about Race & Gender Studies. But then I, too quickly came to the realization that being 'woke' was very high on the corporate list of priorities.    We're truly mired in brilliance these days.

Just checked, Christina would have graduated in the mid-late 90s

I do believe one of the major misgivings of college admissions these days is keeping track of and making very clear to all potential students........the Odds of employment in their chosen fields of study. All while those students go further and further into debt.

[abbey1227]

Brian Regan - "My doctor said to me 'Brian, you are wayyyyyy too sedentary.' And I vowed......in that moment.......to get myself a dictionary.



But I still haven't gotten around to it."

[ant-mac]

Sept 21, 2022 2:30:07 GMT abbey1227 said:

Brian Regan - "My doctor said to me 'Brian, you are wayyyyyy too sedentary.' And I vowed......in that moment.......to get myself a dictionary.



But I still haven't gotten around to it."

[Prometheus]

Sept 21, 2022 3:23:46 GMT ant-mac said:

Sept 21, 2022 2:30:07 GMT abbey1227 said:

Brian Regan - "My doctor said to me 'Brian, you are wayyyyyy too sedentary.' And I vowed......in that moment.......to get myself a dictionary.



But I still haven't gotten around to it."

My dad had a box of plastic tuits and he kept a few in his pocket at all times. Soon, my brother and I had quite a few of them as well.

[ant-mac]

Sept 21, 2022 4:15:32 GMT Prometheus said:

Sept 21, 2022 3:23:46 GMT ant-mac said:

My dad had a box of plastic tuits and he kept a few in his pocket at all times. Soon, my brother and I had quite a few of them as well.

Did he tell you and your brother to "get tuit"?

[Prometheus]

Sept 21, 2022 4:58:37 GMT ant-mac said:

Sept 21, 2022 4:15:32 GMT Prometheus said:

My dad had a box of plastic tuits and he kept a few in his pocket at all times. Soon, my brother and I had quite a few of them as well.

Did he tell you and your brother to "get tuit"?

Oh yeah.

Getting a tuit was far preferable to getting a backhand.

[ant-mac]

Sept 21, 2022 9:41:37 GMT Prometheus said:

Sept 21, 2022 4:58:37 GMT ant-mac said:

Did he tell you and your brother to "get tuit"?

Oh yeah.

Getting a tuit was far preferable to getting a backhand.

Can't argue there.

[abbey1227]

Sept 21, 2022 9:46:02 GMT ant-mac said:

Sept 21, 2022 9:41:37 GMT Prometheus said:

Oh yeah.

Getting a tuit was far preferable to getting a backhand.

Can't argue there.

You better not.......IF you know what's good fer ya!  

[abbey1227]

[abbey1227]

95% of all electric vehicles are still on the road.



The other 5% made it all the way home.

[abbey1227]

semi-funny....... I just heard on the radio that the NFL is eliminating the Pro Bowl.


They referred to it as 'Full Contact Football'

[ant-mac]

Can you guess which toilet is which?

[abbey1227]

Oct 3, 2022 3:03:21 GMT ant-mac said:

Can you guess which toilet is which?

[abbey1227]

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat… As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?”

She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston” He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your business role at this convention?” “Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.” “Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?” “Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.

Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.” Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. “I’m sorry,” she said, “I shouldn’t really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name.”

“Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Goldstein, but all my friends call me Bubba.”

[Prometheus]

Oct 5, 2022 13:40:22 GMT abbey1227 said:

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat… As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?”

She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston” He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your business role at this convention?” “Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.” “Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?” “Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.

Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.” Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. “I’m sorry,” she said, “I shouldn’t really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name.”

“Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Goldstein, but all my friends call me Bubba.”

 A classic... and for good reason

[abbey1227]

Oct 6, 2022 0:22:19 GMT Prometheus said:

Oct 5, 2022 13:40:22 GMT abbey1227 said:

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat… As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?”

She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston” He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your business role at this convention?” “Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.” “Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?” “Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.

Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.” Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. “I’m sorry,” she said, “I shouldn’t really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name.”

“Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Goldstein, but all my friends call me Bubba.”

 A classic... and for good reason

It's the essential build up/tension kinda joke with a good quip ending.

Sorta like "Moo, Moo, Big Boy."  

[ant-mac]

How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for his birthday?

He felt Luke's presents.

[abbey1227]

Why is a one story brothel more profitable than a two story brothel?

Less overhead.